I Know this Isn't For Ap Lit...

I obviously know that I shouldn't take the time to blog this when I have more important things to blog, but I think that my feelings and thoughts on life are pretty important too.

Random? Yes. But for those who know me, you don't truly know me.

So I've been friends with a lot of people over the years, and most times the friendships fall out, and if I am lucky, they get stronger. But I am the type of person that mourns over the losing a new friend, because I love people.
All of my life, I've been struggling with low self-esteem. I hate myself with a burning passion, and I am okay with that. I've seen things happen, and I've been part of things, and sometimes not a part at all, and it all builds up to a hate for myself. I might sound insane and in need of help, but I really don't. I have survived this long without doing any major physical harm to myself, and I am proud to say that I haven't intentionally harmed myself since I was 12. So I'm good.👍

Because I dislike myself so much, I have so much love for everything else in the world. As I said, I love people. I try so hard to make everyone happy. I also have this cardinal virtue (Ms Link!!!), where I can love anything and anyone, because I believe I can see the true beauty in it. No matter how much I have been hurt by other people, I still love them for what I can see inside. It is a complete pain, because I seem like a lovesick puppy in some cases, such as prom. I've been rejected by the same person twice, but I still care for them, because I can understand why I was rejected.

I know I am not perfect, but neither is the world. In my eyes, though, whatever is more beautiful than what I am on the inside, is perfect.

I may not be out there and in activities, but I am a lot like other people, I would hope.

I  write songs and sing them, I want to audition for The Voice at some point. 🎤♫I draw tattoo designs and want to wear my designs someday. I design clothes, and I made my own prom dress 👗this year (a surprise for the night of!!). I think about everything every single day. I love thinking, about life, about nature, about art, about music, about my future. I love the stars, and I question them a lot, but I always look for Orion at night. He keeps me in balance - as long as I can find him, then I know things will be okay. I love nature and how everything works the way it does. Most importantly though, I love this life, because I know that I can be the person to make the most of it.

I have discovered that maybe my purpose in life isn't to fall in love and have a happily ever after, and I have accepted that, after the last few years, that I am meant for more. I am meant to be the person who loves the world and takes the first step in changing it, because I believe that I truly can make a difference.

Happy Birthday to Me…

and I hope y'all don't look into this too much. I just wanted to say how I feel, because I can't physically say it.

Short Stories: A Country Doctor

I had to catch up with the class, but…

I don't know what to say except - WHAT!

This story starts off kinda normal: A country doctor (Hence the title) trying to find a way to travel to a patient that needs help. It reminds me of a show I used to watch, but at least the show was balanced.

We take a weird spin from not having any horses to magically having 2 beautiful, gleaming horses that a creepy old groom produces out of thin air. HOW? I don't know. I decided not to question it, but then the groom gets even weirder by biting the doctor's servant. (I don't know if it was supposed to be foreplay 😉, because the groom goes after her anyway). Back on track now, um, so now these magical horses teleport the doctor to the house of the patient where he is greeted by parents and a sister. In the patient's room it is stuffy, because a stove is burning unattended (symbolism!!!!), but he decides to check the patient first. If it was me, I'd like to think clearly before I have someone's life in my hands. The doctor checks the patient once. Nothing. But the patient tells him to let him die. Healthy as a horse??? Then he gets offered a drink, and decides to check the patient again. Good Idea 👍. Turns out the patient took a turn for the worse, and has this gaping wound on his hip, filled with maggots that are still alive!! What is even worse, he gets high it seems, and then the family strips him and lays him in bed with the patient who tells him how much he isn't helping him. I am so legitimately creeped out by now that I don't know how to react. And then he sneaks out the window and never gets home.

I believe that the author's purpose is undefined, (of course I am WRONG), but there are quite a few literary elements in the story:

• Foreshadow - The groom going after Rosa
• Symbolism - The stuffy room with the stove burning unattended - Not seeing things clearly
• Allusion(???) - to a cult - the family stripping him down and using him to "heal" the patient; they put him in bed with the patient and chant about him saving their son/brother
• Symbolism - intoxication clouds ones mind - yet the doctor doesn't even drink the offered drink, so maybe the stuffy stove(???)

Etymology Thoughts…….


Low key upset that I didn't get to be more of a part of my group, but hey, that's life.


Um, I honestly thought that the trailers would have been more serious, so I was very surprised that all of the trailers had some aspect of comedy in it, but pleasantly, of course. That was the most I have laughed in a long time.

The Wife of Bath's Tale group, great job guy and girls. I think you did the best presentation. Very forward and you addressed everything that I think should have been addressed. Your trailer captured the time period very well.

The Grecian era group, I loved your trailer. So hilarious!!! Five stars!

The Anglo-Saxon era, sometimes a little hard to hear you speak, but I understood a lot of it, and Dom, I liked your effects. 😂

My group, I think you did amazing. We had a lot of information, and our trailer was awesome. Megan, great cinematography girl. Your work and Ian's voiceover, perfect.

But overall, I think everyone did great. And I enjoyed working with everyone in my group and watching everyone else present.

Awaiting the presentations - silently terrified about being a part of something this big.