I Know this Isn't For Ap Lit...

I obviously know that I shouldn't take the time to blog this when I have more important things to blog, but I think that my feelings and thoughts on life are pretty important too.

Random? Yes. But for those who know me, you don't truly know me.

So I've been friends with a lot of people over the years, and most times the friendships fall out, and if I am lucky, they get stronger. But I am the type of person that mourns over the losing a new friend, because I love people.
All of my life, I've been struggling with low self-esteem. I hate myself with a burning passion, and I am okay with that. I've seen things happen, and I've been part of things, and sometimes not a part at all, and it all builds up to a hate for myself. I might sound insane and in need of help, but I really don't. I have survived this long without doing any major physical harm to myself, and I am proud to say that I haven't intentionally harmed myself since I was 12. So I'm good.👍

Because I dislike myself so much, I have so much love for everything else in the world. As I said, I love people. I try so hard to make everyone happy. I also have this cardinal virtue (Ms Link!!!), where I can love anything and anyone, because I believe I can see the true beauty in it. No matter how much I have been hurt by other people, I still love them for what I can see inside. It is a complete pain, because I seem like a lovesick puppy in some cases, such as prom. I've been rejected by the same person twice, but I still care for them, because I can understand why I was rejected.

I know I am not perfect, but neither is the world. In my eyes, though, whatever is more beautiful than what I am on the inside, is perfect.

I may not be out there and in activities, but I am a lot like other people, I would hope.

I  write songs and sing them, I want to audition for The Voice at some point. 🎤♫I draw tattoo designs and want to wear my designs someday. I design clothes, and I made my own prom dress 👗this year (a surprise for the night of!!). I think about everything every single day. I love thinking, about life, about nature, about art, about music, about my future. I love the stars, and I question them a lot, but I always look for Orion at night. He keeps me in balance - as long as I can find him, then I know things will be okay. I love nature and how everything works the way it does. Most importantly though, I love this life, because I know that I can be the person to make the most of it.

I have discovered that maybe my purpose in life isn't to fall in love and have a happily ever after, and I have accepted that, after the last few years, that I am meant for more. I am meant to be the person who loves the world and takes the first step in changing it, because I believe that I truly can make a difference.

Happy Birthday to Me…

and I hope y'all don't look into this too much. I just wanted to say how I feel, because I can't physically say it.